Want to give your cat away, “free to bad home?” Look no farther.

Ad Text:

We are looking to adopt a special cat with the following seven qualities:

1. Loves children. We have five children at home, so this cat will get LOTS AND LOTS of love and petting.
2. Is male (neutered or unneutered) or a spayed female.
3. Has been vaccinated for rabies, distemper, and feline leukemia.
4. Loves to be outdoors. (We live next to the woods, in a quiet residential neighborhood with no thru-traffic). I love cats, but I’m mildly allergic to them (no one else in our home is allergic). I do just fine as long as the cat stays outdoors and I wash my hands after petting. But if the cat is kept indoors, I start sneezing. Although we cannot keep the cat in the living area of our home, we will add a cat door to our garage door so that the cat can come in and out at will.
5. Likes to hunt. We need a cat who will protect our yard and vegetable garden from small animals. The rabbits are having a heyday in our veggie garden and the squirrels ate most of our blueberries last year!
6. Is healthy and fairly young. It would break our children’s heart if they lost a cat due to old age or illness.
7. Since this cat will be free to go outdoors at will, he or she must be smart enough to avoid obvious dangers such as large dogs or the occasional automobile.

If you have a cat you can no longer keep who meets these qualities, please give us a call at 678-[redacted]. We will provide a loving, happy home to him or her!

Yet another family that will happily provide a loving home to your cat, just as long as it doesn’t cost them a cent either to adopt the cat or to care for it.

But wait–by “loving home,” they mean, “outdoor home, in which the cat will be expected to tackle rabbits and squirrels for its dinner.” By the way, a male rabbit can fatally injure a cat with its hind legs. It’s one hell of a tough cat that can take down a squirrel, much less a whole rabbit.

They don’t mind if it’s unaltered, just as long as it’s male. Now, a more charitable person might assume that this means they’ll pay for neutering but don’t want to take on the slightly greater expense of spaying. Unfortunately, I am not that charitable person, and I know damn well that this means they’re happy to let an unneutered tomcat patrol their neighborhood knocking up strays and contributing to pet overpopulation. Just as long as they don’t have to deal with unwanted kittens, it’s all good!

And, wow, these kids are pretty picky about why and when they grieve for a lost pet–apparently it won’t be a problem if they lose this cat to wandering (common in intact males) or predators (common in the woods) or being hit by a car or injuries from a fight with another cat, but they’d be devastated if the cat died peacefully of old age.

Sometimes I wonder why high-kill shelters in states like Georgia (which has significant pet overpopulation) even bother with an adoption application, since they tend not to be very selective. Then I read Craigslist and see someone like this, who’d get turned down even by one of these high-kill, revolving door shelters and still thinks they’re such a great home that people should be clamoring to give them free pets.

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