Archive for the 'Just Plain Dumb' Category

20
Aug
10

Hey guys, if I make a bunch of stuff up that makes me a good breeder! AKA, stupidest rat breeder ever.


Ad Text:

Hello,

We have some very nice selective rat weanlings for adoption. We have the most incredible Black Rat called the Black Phantom. If you are looking for a Black Rat look no further. We have Tan and White Berkshires, Tan and White Rex, Brown and White Berkshires and Rex. We have Black and White Berkshires and Rex to if interested. We have these rats for fun and when we get too many we just have to put some up for adoption. Our surplus is your gain. These are not pet store rats. The parents have been put together from all over the country from selectively sought after rats. We take our rats very seriously. The price is firm. We have not put any of our rats for adoption recently so they will be adopted fast. Here are some pics of our current pups for adoption. They are about 3 weeks old and will be weaned soon for pickup. Also if you are looking for any certain colors we have it now or will have it soon. We have blues browns tans and albinos if interested. Also we have some multi colored too. The last but most important thing is that all of these rats have been hand raised from day one. They are very calm and do not nip. They are really amazing. Come check one out when you get the chance.

We currently have Dumbo Rats for adoption and they are really nice. We also have some gorgeous Blue and Brown Hooded babies. We have varigated and multi-colored also. We will have weaned rats available for adoption on August 19th. Please call or write and tell me what you are looking for.

Rehoming Fees START at 10.00 each. Please inquire for what you are interested in. We have many unique rats for adoption.

We also have a few older rats around 1 year of age. They are available for adoption if you are looking for a wonderful mature pet that requires just a ton of love. Please inquire if you are interested in adopting an older rat.

Thanks for looking,
Bill
303-[redacted]

There’s so much stupid in this ad I can’t even know where to begin criticizing it, so first let me link some responsible rat breeders (yes, they exist) who would never, ever, ever dream of finding adopters through Craigslist.

Responsible Rat Breeder 1
Responsible Rat Breeder 2

Notice something those sites have in common? It’s called a “waiting list,” and it’s what responsible breeders keep so that they don’t have to look for homes for babies on the most notoriously awful pet sales/adoption website in the country.

But then again, this guy isn’t responsible. Now, none of these errors would be anything to hoot and holler about if they came from a pet owner seeking a good home for rats he or she could no longer keep. But this Bill character is setting himself up as a breeder who is a source for premium, fantastical, highly in demand (but not enough so for a BLOODY GOLDARN WAITING LIST) rats. So, let’s pick apart his ad for reasons this dumbass shouldn’t be breeding at all, shall we?

1. “We have the most incredible Black Rat called the Black Phantom.” There is no such thing as a Black Phantom Rat. These are the known and repeatable rat colors that exist. “New” colors must go through an approval process with a show organization. See, the phenotype of a rat (what you see when you look at it) results from its genotype (the genes creating that appearance), and new color genes just don’t spring up all over the place.

This here is the supposed black phantom, which in reality is just a solid black rat. Nothing special about it whatsoever:

Plain black rat.

Look, the rat is black. Wow. Just like the millions of other rats that have been born with black fur.

(this is a long one, so you’re going to have to click through to read the whole thing!)
Continue reading ‘Hey guys, if I make a bunch of stuff up that makes me a good breeder! AKA, stupidest rat breeder ever.’

18
Aug
10

In which we post a Worstof that has nothing to do with Craigslist.


Post Text:

WarmFuzzy’s Shelter Sanctuary Just checked our standing in TheAnimalRescueSite.com shelter challenge. Very depressing. Looks like unless darn near everybody votes for WarmFuzzy’s, Drexel, MO we’re nowhere close to winning. Time to start working on shutting the shelter down & deciding who to euthanize first.

First things first: As anyone who reads this blog (yes, all three of you!) knows, I support rescue and have nothing but the utmost respect for anyone whose calling in life involves saving the lives of pets through rescue or shelter work.

Now that that’s out of the way… Are you freaking kidding me?! This organization’s entire fundraising strategy is based on winning a contest on the Internet, without which they can’t stay open? And their strategy FOR winning that contest is to threaten to start killing the pets in their care?

There’s a cliche in the horse rescue world: “The truck is coming!” This implies that horses waiting to be saved will be sent to slaughter if kind-hearted folks don’t open their wallets. But, of course, horses are always being sent to slaughter, you can’t save them all, and if you do have the generosity to save one or several of them, you need to do a lot of research to make sure you’re not doing it through an organization that operates in such a way as to place the horses in a situation potentially worse than death. A rescue that uses last minute guilt trip fundraising is usually low on money to actually feed the animals they already have, and they may be overpaying to bail horses off the slaughter truck and thereby actually propping up the horse slaughter industry.

But this is the first time I’ve ever seen a small animal rescue use the “gun to the animals’ heads” approach, and they’re using it to beg for votes in an online contest. Protip: Maybe everyone is voting for organizations that actually have a comprehensive plan to keep a roof over their animals’ heads even if they don’t get a sudden windfall? Or organizations that when they call themselves “no kill” or a “sanctuary” raise funds to actually not kill the animals? Or organizations whose leadership reacts to a crisis by getting seriously active on fundraising, rather than by leaving passive-aggressive Facebook notes threatening to start killing cats?

Now, apparently the shelter was damaged by a tornado, prompting this funding crisis. My sympathies to all affected by natural disasters, but that’s why you carry insurance. So that you don’t find yourself without an emergency fund, without a building, and without a better plan than “Let’s threaten the cats until people vote for us!”

12
Aug
10

Inability to afford a pet on my part constitutes an emergency on your part!


Ad Text:

Need some help; I have a cocktail that needs to go to the vet, to get some broken feathers plucked.
We live in a low-income building and cannot afford to take him to the vet, I have a quote for 150.00 to get it done in a vet now..
Is there anyone who can pay this for us?
We can go to the vet of your choice if need be, but need it done soon.
So u know his name is Franky
he is the white,grey and yellow on the left

Please help us out, you can call me at 303-[redacted] and ask or saul

Hey, did you know that when other people irresponsibly keep pets who they can’t afford to provide humane care for, it’s an emergency for you? That is, if you’re a bird lover. If you don’t want to pay for Saul’s bird’s vet bills, you must just not be a bird lover. In fact, you probably hate birds and wish they’d all die sad, painful deaths of unplucked feathers while their poor, starving owner looks at you with mournful eyes as his children moan for just one more piece of bread, papa. Yes you, bird hater, you’re so cruel, aren’t you?

Don’t even think about suggesting that Saul ask for recommendations for a vet who might take payments. That’s not how a bird lover should talk. Nor should you suggest that Saul take out a loan or, hell, canvass his neighborhood offering to perform 10 odd jobs at $15 each. That’s just insanity. He shouldn’t have to be inconvenienced to free his pet from a painful health problem.

I’ve got an idea: How about someone helps poor Saul by offering Franky a good home in a household where his vet care will be paid for by his owner? Oh, and while you’re at it, perhaps you can relieve Saul of the several other birds he seems to have somehow mysteriously acquired, probably through no fault of his own, I bet they just flew through the window of his “low income building” and demanded expensive food and vet care.

Cockatiels on Cage

19
Jun
10

Poe’s Law meets Craigslist idiots.


Ad Text:

Hi all!!

I have some really cool puppies for sale for $50.00. The mother is crossed with a Pit Bull and Siberian Husky and the father is part Whippet and part Red Bone Hound. We were so happy when we bred these parents, the puppies are so cute, maybe we have a new breed, lol!

Email me for pics and times to come by to see them, they won’t be ready for a few weeks so hurry, hurry hurry and place a deposit

Is it some witty troll satirizing the worst of the worst BYBs on Craigslist? Or is it actually someone dumb enough to intentionally breed such mixed-up mutts and brag about it? Should I be laughing or facepalming right now? I’m so confused.

If these are real puppies, the temperament and physical characteristics in the litter are probably so diverse that you’d do better writing dogs’ personality traits on a dartboard and tossing darts at it than trying to predict anything based on their breeding. They’ll want to pull a sled into the woods to tree a coon while trembling on your lap and protecting your home.

16
Jun
10

Transvestites, gay threesomes, and puppy sales. Apparently they’re related.


Ad Text:

If you are selling puppies, then by all means do what you want….just pay like $20 to run an ad in the Greensheet and not on Craigslist. That way, this gives the relentless flaggers no other choice than to get a day job at Taco Bell….oh and by the way….If you want to make the world a better place flaggers? go flag the ads for transvestites and gay threesomes. Believe me there is ALOT of terrible shit that goes on in the world today….do you think you are honestly making even a drop in the bucket by spamming up the pet section on Craigslist? You would be doing more of a service to animals by volunteering your time at an animal shelter, feeding dogs and cleaning up poop, then sitting on your butts in front of a computer for hours on end as some of you claim. What exactly is being accomplished by this? Do you want a gold star?????

I usually don’t mock ads that aren’t actually trying to buy or sell a pet on Craigslist, but this one was just too ridiculous to let it sink into the archive of forgotten Craigslist posts and then disappear from the Internet forever after 30 days or so.

Let me get this straight: The real problem with the world is that transvestites and people having threesomes are posting to the appropriate sections of Craigslist for their purposes. This is “terrible shit.” Also, flagging ads is now “spam,” despite that flagging removes content from Craigslist rather than increasing it. Apparently whoever this is rejects the dictionary’s definitions of words and substitutes his or her own at will.

I kind of like that tactic. Let’s call this person Bob. I’m rejecting the definition of “Bob” as “a man’s name” and I choose to believe that it means “complete moron.”

No offense to any actual Bobs in the audience.