Posts Tagged ‘dumbasses


In which we post a Worstof that has nothing to do with Craigslist.

Post Text:

WarmFuzzy’s Shelter Sanctuary Just checked our standing in shelter challenge. Very depressing. Looks like unless darn near everybody votes for WarmFuzzy’s, Drexel, MO we’re nowhere close to winning. Time to start working on shutting the shelter down & deciding who to euthanize first.

First things first: As anyone who reads this blog (yes, all three of you!) knows, I support rescue and have nothing but the utmost respect for anyone whose calling in life involves saving the lives of pets through rescue or shelter work.

Now that that’s out of the way… Are you freaking kidding me?! This organization’s entire fundraising strategy is based on winning a contest on the Internet, without which they can’t stay open? And their strategy FOR winning that contest is to threaten to start killing the pets in their care?

There’s a cliche in the horse rescue world: “The truck is coming!” This implies that horses waiting to be saved will be sent to slaughter if kind-hearted folks don’t open their wallets. But, of course, horses are always being sent to slaughter, you can’t save them all, and if you do have the generosity to save one or several of them, you need to do a lot of research to make sure you’re not doing it through an organization that operates in such a way as to place the horses in a situation potentially worse than death. A rescue that uses last minute guilt trip fundraising is usually low on money to actually feed the animals they already have, and they may be overpaying to bail horses off the slaughter truck and thereby actually propping up the horse slaughter industry.

But this is the first time I’ve ever seen a small animal rescue use the “gun to the animals’ heads” approach, and they’re using it to beg for votes in an online contest. Protip: Maybe everyone is voting for organizations that actually have a comprehensive plan to keep a roof over their animals’ heads even if they don’t get a sudden windfall? Or organizations that when they call themselves “no kill” or a “sanctuary” raise funds to actually not kill the animals? Or organizations whose leadership reacts to a crisis by getting seriously active on fundraising, rather than by leaving passive-aggressive Facebook notes threatening to start killing cats?

Now, apparently the shelter was damaged by a tornado, prompting this funding crisis. My sympathies to all affected by natural disasters, but that’s why you carry insurance. So that you don’t find yourself without an emergency fund, without a building, and without a better plan than “Let’s threaten the cats until people vote for us!”


Honesty is the best policy, and this guy’s honestly horrible.

Ad Text:

I need to give away these pups. Ive been trying to sell them using craigslist, but no one wants to pay the price Im asking. I am a breeder, but I dont want to pay to buy and ad to sell them. They are getting to old, no one is gonna want to pay the high price I am asking anymore. So I am either giving them away free or taking them to the pound (wjere I will have to pay a fee to turn them in) so they can be adopted out for 50 bucks, which ensures shots, registration, and fix. 623-[redacted]

Wait, what am I supposed to snark about here? What can I say about this person that makes them look any worse than they’re admitting to being? I’ll give it the old college try, but I’m not sure it’s possible to mock someone who’s this frank about being a worthless, BYB jackass who is busy filling shelters’ euthanasia lists with more unwanted Pit Bulls.

What if this person’s Pit bitch had required a c-section or other emergency care? That would cost a little more than an ad in the paper–which, of course, is just another BYB tactic. Responsible breeders don’t need to advertise; they have a house or kennel full of walking advertisements, which they display at shows and/or performance events. Maybe they buy an ad in a breed-specific newsletter or on a show’s class list, but the newspaper classifieds are BYBs all the way down. But back to the pet who produced these puppies: Of course, he’d just have let her die. And he’d probably have posted any surviving puppies on Craigslist with some blab about “dog died giving birth, don’t have time to bottle feed, anyone want them?” and they’d get fed to some sicko’s Boa Constrictor.

It’s amazing to me how people can go through life so completely immune to the idea that, just maybe, they did something stupid. I’m a forgiving person. I wouldn’t have posted this person here if the ad had said “I was stupid enough to think I could make easy money breeding dogs; now I’m stuck with a bunch of puppies that I realize nobody wants. If you can give one of them a good home I’d be eternally grateful. The mother has been spayed.” A mistake that could cost dogs’ lives is a big mistake, but it’s still forgivable if the person who makes it truly understands what they’ve done wrong.

But this guy/gal? Nope. I bet they’ll have another litter within the season.

Poor pups:


Stating untruths with great conviction.

Ad Text:

6 month old puppies ( rottweiler & short-haired Sheppard) (up to date with shots and de-worming)! Great with kids! $25 adoption fee per dog – Must take both! Will not split.

Pedigree dog food a must as that is what they have had since birth & it is best for them.

Call 305-[redacted]

First of all, if these dogs had Pedigree “since birth,” they’d be dead. At most, they’ve eaten that corn-filled crap since a couple of weeks prior to their weaning date. Secondly and more importantly, Pedigree is “best for” your dogs like a steady diet of McDonalds fries and Flintstones chewable vitamins is best for your child.

I would pay good money–not much of it, though–to see this guy turn down a home willing to feed these dogs Canidae or a raw diet, because they must have their precious, precious corn pops Pedigree.


The time to ask for advice would have been, oh, four dogs ago?

Ad Text:

There have been several burgleries and robberies where I live, my business was even burglerized, and now people are breaking into homes and killing older people. I have 4 tiny dogs and a older larger mutt that live with me, inside my home. I have tried to get a protective looking dog but the breeds I have chosen (all of which I love) have ended up being aggressive towards the littler dogs as they reach 6 mos – one year. I believe strongly in obediance training, full vet care, I have chosen dobies, shephards, pits (I know but some are great dogs) and finally a shar pei, but all show little dog aggression. I want to pick a dog that I feel safe with my little ones because all my dogs live inside. I have a farm with a fenced yard so activity is not a problem, its just the loss of temper. I have guns but the presence of a large dog is more effective.

Any breed suggestions? Yes, I love mutts but whether they grow up protective or grow up and lose it with the little ones is a question mark. I have a 7 yr old 85 lb mutt and he is a love bug all the way around but I want an effective looking dog.

If you write me wanting me to write back, please be kind enough to leave me your number as I do not want to give out my email in case there are people out there that are predators reading this and unfortunately, THERE ARE!!! Thank you

Tip: If you want a security system, purchase a home security system. If you want a pet, adopt a dog. Don’t mix the two. If all this poster’s dogs live inside, their appearance won’t be doing anything to deter criminals, anyway. Not to mention, what kind of schmuck gets a dog expressly to endanger it if armed robbers break in? You think if someone with a gun comes in your house and sees an aggressive dog they didn’t expect, they’re just going to shut the door again and leave? No, they’re going to shoot the dog.

Furthermore, if you’ve gone through at least four dogs (seven if you count the “dobies, shepards and pits” as at least two dogs each, since he used plurals) and couldn’t find one that gets along with your small dogs past the age of six months to a year, the problem isn’t the dogs. It’s the owner. If you get rid of dogs and adopt new ones more frequently than the Vikings traditionally bathed, you don’t need another dog.


Things you don’t want to promise on Craigslist.

Ad Text:


you can come by our home at any time just email me for address…
mom is rednosed and dad blue fawn..
we have 6 puppies that need good homes
3 boys and 3 girls .. no pappers
dnt have recent pics but only when they
were first born .. email me and i will send u pics


Oh, really? You won’t say no? Okay, I’ve got an offer for you, Ms. BYB: How about I mock you on the Internet, and you stop breeding? You said you wouldn’t say no.

(And, um, that’s not a picture of the mom, unless you’ve magically managed to make newborn puppies have more puppies.)

Cute pups. Too bad that only one in five dogs, statistically, will stay with its first family for life. Those statistics are even worse for Pit Bulls. They are fantastic, darling, loving family dogs when raised well, but they’re also so overpopulated in the United States that shelters euthanize them in droves. Worse yet, they are popular with dog fighters and other abusers. If you love puppies, the worst thing you can do, short of abusing them directly, is breed a litter of Pit Bulls. Foster, rescue, adopt.


We neglect our other pets, may we have yours?

Ad Text:

We thought we were set up to meet the perfect dog for us and then someone else was luckier and got to take him home. We are looking for a yorkie or hypoallergenic small dog. Needs to be housetrained please. We have been searching every website, every humane society, and asked every friend we know and NO LUCK!!
Does anyone know of someone who has a yorkie they need to rehome? We cannot afford a breeders fee but we are willing to pay rehoming for sure.

Please only email us if we can actually come meet your dog and we aren’t going to be competing against anyone before we even get a chance to meet your doggie and you. I have tried to email so many little dog CL ads but so many people respond that the dog is long gone by the time we send our email or they have a line of people ready to show up at their door to meet the dog already. Just trying to save a few heart breaks here, It’s just too rough on the kids at this point. We have been diligently looking for quite a while. (And I thought this would be a sinch)

We have older kids, ready to own their first indoor dog and can hardly wait. We don’t have any other indoor animals.

Thanks and hope this brings some responses!

I think I can guess why nobody has given this family a Yorkshire Terrier yet. Key phrases: “Ready to own their first indoor dog,” and, “We don’t have any other indoor animals.” Plus, they want only a hypoallergenic small dog.

In other words, someone in the family is allergic, so they’ve got another dog or other dogs who are forced to stay outside, away from their human family, in an area (Northern Colorado) with temperatures that reach the triple digits in the summer and can dip well into the double digit negatives during the winter. Also, they’ve got small children who don’t have any experience safely handling a small dog.

Here’s an idea: Learn to take proper care of the pets you have before looking for more. If your kids want an indoor dog, take a Claritin and bring the ones you have inside.


14-Year Old Wants Your Balls (Pythons, That Is)

I’ve heard so-called parenting “experts” say that you should supervise your children when they’re using the Internet because their safety could be compromised by contact with a sexual predator or other unsavory character.

This is false.

The real reason you should supervise your children and never, ever allow them to use Craigslist without parental help is that they write in “txt spk” all the time, say really moronic things, and make plans to fill your house with little baby pythons. Great for Mother’s Day!

But how do I know this is a kid, not a grown-up idiot? Well, I don’t, but this sure seems like the same poster…

“Oh, hai, Craigslist. I managed to kill the last gravid snake someone gave me, would you please trade me another one for some video games? I’m really pist that my other snake isn’t pregnant so I can fail to take it to the vet and let it die too…”

How does a kid learn so many big words and niche hobbyist terms, but remain unable to spell “bound” or “pissed?” Of course, in her defense, maybe the gravid python simply entered a UFC “bout” with her eggs and lost.

(Seriously, though. It’s not the 14-year-old we’re making fun of, here. Hormones are powerful drugs and nobody can be expected to seem totally sane or smart with a teenager-sized dose of them pinging around in their brain. The parents are the ones who deserve to be mocked for failing to prevent their child from acting like a dumbass on the Internet, as well as for missing an opportunity to teach her a lesson about commitment by taking the egg bound python to a reptile veterinarian and providing it with treatment–if your child is old enough to become a reptile hobbyist and breeder, she’s old enough to mow lawns and babysit over the summer to pay you back for hefty vet bills.)

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